


how the light gets in

by exyjunkies



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Comfort, Emotions, Feelings, Fluff, Future Fic, M/M, and all they've been through, andrew's pov on the relationship, i like to think that this is possible years after psu, im weak and fragile someone hold me, like when they're actually living a life together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 19:15:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15177482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exyjunkies/pseuds/exyjunkies
Summary: In which Neil thinks it’s a good idea to come back. Andrew agrees – after all, it’s not as if he’d be going back alone.Written forAndreil Week, Day 5:stadium lights





	how the light gets in

“You know, in all the years I was here, I never actually did this before.”

Andrew hummed, letting himself listen to the wistfulness in Neil’s voice.

“That’s because you were too busy playing until your tiny junkie heart was close to giving out.”

He felt Neil squeeze his hand lightly, acknowledging the tease. On a blanket that Andrew had the foresight to bring, they were lying down in the center of Palmetto’s Exy court, staring up at the bleachers, at the plexiglass walls and ceiling. Every stadium light was on, showcasing the full orange-and-white of the court.

Andrew had been iffy about the idea of lying down in the middle of a court they used to play on, but now, he didn’t mind it one bit.

It was Neil’s sudden burst of nostalgia that sprung this into an idea – with the both of them in the US Court, they barely had any time for anything but the present. No going back on old memories, no planning for the future. There were many demands that came with playing for the national Exy team, so they vowed to spend this vacation not focusing on these demands.

(Most of which, Andrew had to admit, were not his cup of tea. After years of being on the national team, he can (kind of, sort of, to some extent) admit that being a goalkeeper is a lot more bearable than before, but he did _not_ live for the celebrity lifestyle. Neil, of course, thrived on being able to play Exy and that alone. So on some level, they both did not care for the fame.)

Their head coach had allowed them to take a few weeks off and go back to Palmetto State with the promise that they take a few pictures and post it on their social media accounts for good PR. He had specific instructions for Andrew to post at least _something_ , simply because his being inactive wasn’t going to stick as his reputation forever. Their PR manager, Alex, had been flooding their phones this morning, despite Andrew’s warning that annoyance will _not_ be tolerated. Neil, thankfully, had put a stop to this by posting a picture of Andrew out on the balcony of the Columbia house.

As expected, their fans had received the photo with gusto, with some famous Exy players from other countries wishing them well, along with a few comments pouring in from the other Foxes themselves. Andrew hadn’t asked to be tagged in the photo, because he had decided a long time ago that notifications were annoying. Still, it wasn’t avoided that Neil showed him all the ones he thought he’d find amusing. Of all the feedback, the only one Neil replied to was Aaron’s thumbs up emoji – he had typed in a “ _hopefully u still recognize him when we get back”_ and hit send, ruffling Andrew’s hair lightly after he did so.

Now, Andrew turned his head a bit to stare at Neil, blinking a few times to check if he was dreaming. The striker had an awestruck look on his face, as if he was seeing the Foxhole Court’s lights for the first time. Realizing he never got to see Neil’s actual first reaction to seeing PSU’s court for the first time, Andrew quietly observed the softness of Neil’s smile, the way his other hand was pillowed under his soft auburn hair, the calmness in his breathing, the movement of Neil’s thumb up and down his forefinger as they held hands.

“Staring.”

Rolling his eyes, Andrew turned his head back to the lights. He did his best to channel the blush on his face back to the bottom of his system.

“Oh, shut up.”

Beside him, Neil laughed, a genuine one, full of life and promise, and Andrew felt his heart skip a beat. Hearing Neil laugh, like _really actually laugh_ was the breath of fresh air he needed all along. All these past weeks, Neil had been missing something, and Andrew heard it in that laugh. That stability. That contentment. That _happiness._

Then, Andrew felt Neil remove his hand from his. He frowned a little at the disappointment that he felt well up inside of him. Neil propped himself up beside Andrew, a questioning look on his face.

“Yes or no?”

Andrew raised an eyebrow. He put an arm under his head to prop himself up a bit and shoot Neil a look. “Really? Here?”

Neil rolled his eyes, the smile not leaving his face. He poked a finger into Andrew’s hip. “Dummy. Just answer the damn question.”

“ _God_. Fine. Yes.”

Shifting nearer to Andrew, Neil wrapped an arm around Andrew’s torso and nuzzled his neck. He lifted a leg and put it over Andrew’s legs.

Into Andrew’s neck, Neil murmured, “ _Mmm_. Better. Not quite what you were expecting, huh? You horndog.”

Andrew scoffed at the implication. Still, he moved his other arm up and over Neil, prompting the taller man to move closer. Instinctively, he started playing with Neil’s hair. There was no way he was ever going to tell Neil, but Andrew always thought he looked good with any hair color, even after he found out Neil’s original hair color was auburn. It was both a blessing and a curse.

“You’re not always one to cuddle, anyway.”

“This place is _sacred_. Wouldn’t think of doing anything un-sacred in it, ever.” Neil punctuated his _ever_ by poking Andrew’s cheek, withdrawing his finger at the exact moment Andrew tried to bite it. “Too slow, asshole.”

Insults as terms of endearment. In thinking that it wasn’t possible for him to love this man even more, Andrew is _once again_ proven wrong.

Closing his eyes, Andrew thought of everything that has lead up to this point. From his freshman year of college, back he knew nothing about what he was going to do with his life, to his life now – his ninth year as an Exy goalkeeper, his fifth year with the US Court, his third year as a pet-owner, his eighth and counting year with Neil. What Andrew felt about it all was inexplicably heavy, as if he couldn’t believe just how much had to happen for him to get here.

Understandably, Andrew didn’t like thinking about how life was before Neil. That part of him was safely locked away in a box in the corner of his mind. The nightmares about past trauma are now few and far between. Every once in a while, he remembers punching Neil out of the bed, or being woken up by Neil shoving a hand up his pillow to check for a gun. It was alternating between Neil sporting a black eye, or Neil waking up in a sweat because he was so fucking scared. Now, after years of experience have led to him being used to waking up and having Neil still asleep beside him, not an empty bed because Neil had to go sleep on the sofa.

He wondered if this was how Aaron felt about Katelyn all those years ago. If _this_ was the feeling he was so against, if _this_ experience was what he majorly disapproved of before and after his sobriety. The time he flew to Arizona to talk to Aaron about this flashed through his mind.

_Are things with that cheerleader are still ongoing?_

_Andrew. You know this. You know we’ve been married for— for God knows how long._

_I know._

_Then why are you here?_

_For confirmation purposes._

_And what are you confirming, exactly?_

_The existence of the both of you in my universe._

Aaron’s jaw had dropped a little. Then (and Andrew will never, ever let himself forget this) he had actually _grinned._ It was a weird twin thing, because now Andrew knows how he’d look like if he ever smiled with teeth. Afterwards, the rest of the conversation was more of Aaron forcing Andrew to apologize to Katelyn, but Andrew had strongly refused. He had felt like he had done enough character development that day.

(With enough of Aaron’s insistence though, mending things with Katelyn had come a little later.)

Andrew was jolted out of his train of thought by Neil’s lips lightly pressing against his jaw. A kiss, but not quite. Still, Andrew felt the sensation throughout his whole body. It was almost enough to make him shiver.

“Hey.”

“What, Neil.”

“Your thinking is very, very loud.”

“And you’re rude for interrupting.”

“Care to share with the class?”

“What class? I only sense one very, very annoying student.”

Neil smiled against his neck. He kissed Andrew again, this time long enough for the action to register itself into Andrew’s system twice over. “And what about it?”

“Hmm. How about I get a head start on that very _un_ sacred activity you were planning on avoiding.”

Sex on the Foxhole Court would be uncomfortable, not to mention embarrassing if they were caught, but it could work. The logistics wouldn’t be difficult for the both of them. And if _Neil_ was in the mood, then—

“Maybe later. I’m sleepy.” Neil mumbled, pressing another light kiss to Andrew’s jaw. Andrew heard the fatigue in Neil’s voice, and it was enough to make him a little drowsy.

“Mm. Go ahead.”

“But you have to tell me about,” Neil paused, as if thinking about which words to use, “about your thoughts.”

“It’s not anything you don’t already know.”

“It’s also _obviously_ not about me being pretty, so…”

Neil trailed off, forgetting to complete his thought. The moment passed, and Andrew gradually felt the both of their heart beat in sync. The lights above them seemed to be a little dimmer, and, while Andrew wished he had the more advanced foresight of bringing a pillow, he didn’t think there was any other place he’d rather be.

Then, Neil trailed his hand up, up, until he was holding Andrew’s face softly.

“Nothing bad, I hope?” His whisper held the slightest tinge of worry, loud enough to reach Andrew’s ears. Andrew felt Neil’s fingers caress his cheek a bit, and Andrew felt something tighten in his chest.

Even after Andrew put all his defenses down, Neil _still_ had it in him to be careful. No matter how strong he acted, Neil saw through the act each and every time. He thought about how nobody else would ever treat him like this. About how he would never have this with anybody else. It scared him a little.

Okay, maybe it scared him _a lot_.

“Oh, ‘Drew,” Neil said with a little bit of urgency, sitting up and holding his hand on Andrew’s cheek. Which had ended up being a little wet by Andrew’s tears.

Andrew can’t even tell _when_ he had started crying.

“It wasn’t anything bad, I _swear_ ,” Andrew replied, sitting up too, taking Neil’s hand off his face and drying his tears on his sleeve. He had been overwhelmed. That’s all.

Neil, ever the worrywart, wasn’t convinced by it. “You sure?”

The worry in his tone was enough that Andrew _wasn’t_ sure. “Yeah. I just—”

Pausing, Andrew gave the opportunity what it deserved and took in all that was around him. The awareness was calming, a steady hand to hold. _There are always going to be moments like this_ , he realized. He closed his eyes, stilled himself, and opened them again. With this, Andrew looked at Neil, as in _really_ looked at him, and saw him for who he was.

“I was just,” he began, and Neil prompted him by holding his hand, “thinking about life. How much has happened.”

Then, after taking a deep breath, Andrew continued, in a bit of a rush, “How I never got to thank you.”

Neil exhaled and shook his head, the relief enough to wash over Andrew himself. Then, he took Andrew’s face in both hands and put their foreheads together. Neil closed his eyes and cleared his throat a bit.

“Well, we have the rest of our lives for that now, don’t we,” Neil murmured, and after Andrew closed his eyes and nodded his reply, Neil curled a hand around the back of Andrew’s neck and put his lips to Andrew’s.

It seemed like every kiss with Neil was something Andrew needed to catalog. There were heated kisses, and playful kisses, and short kisses that said _see you later_ , and kisses that led towards something more. This one, though. This one was more special than all the others. It was close-mouthed, chaste, but in that moment, it was everything. 

And for a brief moment, Andrew saw their entire life together flash before his eyes.

Andrew hitting Neil with a racquet in the ribs. How Andrew saw something in Neil despite being drugged to within an inch of his life. How Andrew seemed to hate Neil, and Neil had actually hated Andrew for a bit, because of what he did at Eden’s Twilight. The hatred that wasn’t really quite what Andrew thought it to be. The trauma that both of them had already gone through, still coming back to haunt them. Andrew and Neil recognizing that what they had was a-thing-but-not-really-a-thing. Andrew and the Foxes almost losing Neil. The Butcher dying, and Neil making a full recovery. Riko getting shot in the head. The Moriyamas giving Neil his life in exchange for money. Andrew and Neil graduating PSU. Sir Fat Cat McCatterson and King Fluffkins. The US Court. A whole lifetime together, ahead of them.

It was the full-blown realization that a lot of their life together was like that: not really _the_ whole experience, but _everything_ anyway.

 Andrew kissed back, enough to tell Neil what he couldn’t really say, and let himself go.

**Author's Note:**

> go to my [tumblr](http://exyjunkies.tumblr.com) and hit me up there!


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